


Moments

by motelsamndean (eacc22)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 16:24:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20118055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eacc22/pseuds/motelsamndean
Summary: There are moments when Sam's entire life wasn't Dean, but those were just moments.





	Moments

There were moments when Sam’s entire world wasn’t Dean. But those were just moments, they came and when in an instant.   
The first time it happened he was with his friend Greg. Greg’s hand found Sam’s thigh underneath the quilted blanket in his basement, tentative brush of fingertips against denim. His hands were lanky and too warm, and Sam knew they’d leave a mark from the buttery popcorn they’d been wolfing down the entire night. It was just a moment before Greg’s hand retreated again, but it was enough to capture Sam’s entire attention. But then he thought about how Dean’s hand would feel there, calloused and rough, scrape of worn pads across the beat-up fabric of his jeans. Sam kissed Greg a few times, but it was never enough to make him forget Dean, didn’t feel the same as that moment in the dimly lit basement watching Lord of the Rings.   
It happened with Jess every time he bottomed out inside of her, silken heat wrapped around him like a vice. He could only smell her shampoo and feel that one point where they connected. But then, one of them would start to move, or she would run hands through his hair or kiss his throat, and the heat of her turned scalding from the betrayal Sam felt he was performing. It was always a thought but never the same one: is this what it would feel like with Dean, is this what it would feel like for Dean if it were me, is this green-eyed sweet girl the closest I’d get to doing this with Dean. He’d always come like a livewire ran down his spine if he caressed the thoughts the entire time and Jess would pant out a “what’s gotten into you?” before he’d retreat to the bathroom.   
The last time it happens is when Dean dies for the last time, and Sam feels a wave of numbness so strong he forgets who he is, forgets what matters, forgets who Dean is. And then it comes rushing back in as if the big bang is occurring in his mind, and every galaxy and planet and lifeform is Dean Winchester and its all Sam’s ever known and its all he’ll ever know. He doesn’t question if Dean’s felt the same way, because he knows now, he knows, and he stares the monster in the eyes and doesn’t flinch as it tears him to shreds. Sam’s entire world was Dean, and heaven wouldn’t change a damn thing.


End file.
